Toxic
by OnBedAllDay
Summary: Totsuka believes that his whole life is dedicated to make Mikoto happy, Mikoto lives in the fear that Totsuka will leave him one day, and Izumo watches helplessly as his two best friends pick at each others wounds and make it bleed. Mikototsu. Kusanagi-POV


**Summary:** Totsuka believes that his whole life is dedicated to make Mikoto happy, Mikoto lives in the fear that Totsuka will leave him one day, and Izumo watches helplessly as his two best friends pick at each others wounds and make it bleed. Mikototsu.

 **Author's Notes:** It's been a while; feeling under the weather, but need to practice writing again.

* * *

It's so stupid, Kusanagi sometimes would think, at how one relationship can be so happy, yet at the same time… painful. Watching them is like a car crash waiting to happen and… he doesn't know how to deal with the aftermath. Totsuka is radiant and fragile and an optimistic human being who suffered some and then, while Mikoto is a strong and realistic individual who picked his battles wisely. Both complement each other in many ways, and, due to Totsuka's pacifist nature and Mikoto's strength as a King, Totsuka can be protected and at the same time, protect Mikoto from the self-destructive thoughts invading the man's psyche as a result of his powers. It's a beneficial relationship – which one person will think as something good and nurturing, but Kusanagi knew Mikoto and Totsuka for a long time, and they're relationship was far from perfect.

No, it was toxic.

Totsuka firmly believes that his life is dedicated into making Mikoto happy and satisfied, while Mikoto suffers from the thoughts that, one day, Totsuka will leave him or get hurt. Both of their love were rooted in each other's insecurities. Totsuka's life has no meaning and Mikoto fills that emptiness, while Mikoto is dependent on Totsuka in controlling his powers, but never personally addresses the self-destructive thoughts that are invading his mind. Both of them were a distraction to a main, personal problem; it was…an unhealthy dependency. And to make matters worse, their relationship is one of the anchoring foundations of HOMRA's stability. If it breaks and fails, who knows what would happen to HOMRA?

Kusanagi knew he should do something. He is a friend to both of them, and as a friend, he wasn't supposed to be an enabler. Kusanagi knows that Totsuka needs to stop using Mikoto as something to give his life purpose, and Mikoto needs to tackle his own issues, instead of using Tatara as a distraction to it. Both of them needed to address something in their lives to have a normal, healthy relationship, but sometimes, Kusanagi thinks, is that even possible in the world they live in? A semblance of normalcy and stablility?

When Totsuka dies and HOMRA cries for blood, Kusanagi knew that he should've acted sooner. Maybe he should've gathered his courage and confronted Tatara. Maybe he should've acted like a friend – he was so caught up with this King-Vassal thing that he forgot he was first a _friend_ to Mikoto – and told Mikoto about what he feels. Maybe both of them would've gotten angry, maybe both of them would've understood – they're not dumb people, but they _are_ stubborn – but it was too late for what ifs. Totsuka died because of his close proximity with the King, and Mikoto…was ready to give up his life trying to find the one who killed his beloved. After all, he was going to die anyway, his Sword of Damocles was corroding and the only person who could've delayed the process was turned to ashes.

Sometimes, Kusanagi would think how unfair it was for a relationship that could've been so happy, so perfect, would be ruined by the wrong timing and the wrong circumstances. He would always think of the what-ifs during hard nights and could've-beens in slow days when he can gather his thoughts together, but all of those would be potential scenarios in a world where Mikoto wasn't chosen King and Totsuka was an ordinary boy who came to be inspired by a ruffian like Mikoto.

This wasn't that world.

After those hard nights, those slow days, after he has come to the realization that both of his friends are dead and he still needs to pick up after their messes, he breathes out and walks forward.


End file.
